wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
