its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
