i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
