the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
