CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
