Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
