i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
