Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
