They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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