This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
