I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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