i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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