You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she told me i tasted like america
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
