Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
