my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This toilet bowl is my home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
