Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
