and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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