I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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