Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
