sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
