do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
