FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize