True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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