I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
