I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
