I wish I could teleport
I just threw up on my dentist
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
