your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
