Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
