i think my mom watched the whole time
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
