my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
