In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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