sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
