I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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