Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
