Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
