grandma shit on top of the toilet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
