I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
