He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
