We're facebook friends in real life
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
