My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
