My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
