i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
