Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
