trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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