i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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