He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
