I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
