im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This show inspires me to have sex in space
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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