Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
