Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize