i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
