Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my being single is dangerous.
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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