I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
