:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
