dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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