It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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