So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
