No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
home. puking in laundry basket.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
