I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have aggressive nipples.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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