I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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