did you get engaged???
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
