either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
false alarm, still single
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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