I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
