I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
