omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
