Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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