Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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