Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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