Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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