Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
