i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
