sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
