i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
