the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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