Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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