I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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